Stupid John, The Customer Service Nightmare Maker

So there I was knee deep in mud, trying to get my SAAB away from the tree that it decided to visit into when I thought I better call a tow truck operator. Alex’s Towing was recommended by a bunch of people here in Elmsford, NY so I called the place and they sent someone out to separate the two love birds.

The next day when I called the company and said I would like them to take my SAAB to SAAB hospital in Manhattan and all I had was $150 in insurance towing, the employee, John, but I prefer "Stupid John", answered with, “No I can’t do it for that, no way. 

“Ok”, I said, “I would like to keep the business local, can we make a deal”. Gruffly, he said, “No deal. That’s the price. Take it or leave it”.

I think I will leave it I thought. “Ok”, I said, “I will come and pay you the $80 this morning and make arrangements to have the car towed by another company”. 

“Hey” he said, “who told you $80, that ain’t the price”.  “Your employee who towed it”, I said. “He can’t tell you nuthin'. He’s an idiot and he’s not all there.” 

Nice, I thought. Who wouldn’t want to work for you? Heck, I’ll bet you have a lineup of people just waiting to work for you, JERK!

After making arrangements with my insurance company to have the SAAB towed by another operator I called John and told him I would meet him and pay him.

“OK, c’mon over” as he slammed the phone down. Of course I go to the yard and there is no John.  I call him and tell him I am at the yard and he says, “Well I am at the office”.  “Why didn’t you tell me that before?” I say.  “Whatever, you comin’ or not?”  “Oh I’ll be there”, I said.  

Of course when I get to the office he is on the phone, not even acknowledging me and ignoring me for about 5 minutes. When he finally gets off he says, “You here to pay for the SAAB”.

No I came to discuss Advanced Calculus with you, I thought. “Yes” I say. “Ok, says he, “$85 bucks ($5 more than his “idiot” quoted) and that’s cash only".  

What no credit card or even check?  “Thanks for making it easy to do business with you”, I say.  His sneer, coupled with his tattoos made me feel that this was just a bad guy having a bad day and maybe I should just walk away.

Nah! Not my style.  


So I said I would meet him at the yard when my tow truck showed up in 15 minutes. 15 minutes later when my tow truck arrived, there was no John.  

Again I called him and he said he would be there in 10 minutes. 20 minutes later he showed up, jumped out of his car and went for his flat bed which he cranked up and conveniently parked in the entrance of the yard to make it difficult for my tow truck driver to get in.

When I finally got my car safely on the flat bed and out of the yard, I walked up to him, got real close to him and said, “I want to thank you for a wonderful customer experience and in fact I am going to tell as many people as I can about how wonderful this was”. 


In typical stupid John fashion, he shrugged, put on his sunglasses and drove away.

I will send this letter to the owner. Everyone says he is a decent guy, been around for 20 years and treats everyone fairly.  But he should know what a disservice this employee is doing to his business and much he is undermining 20 years of good will.  

What would you do if you got a letter like this from me about one of your employees?  Would you respond? Would you refund my money or would you just  ask John his side of the story, believe him and do nothing?

Seriously, what would you do?


I will keep you posted if I get a response :)


p.s.  Received two nice comments from Ken Paton on my blog about social marketing and from C.J. Fox about telling it like it is on birthday parties

Give Some Love. 6 Rules Guaranteed To Increase Your Birthday Party Sales

This one is a little longer than usual, but I humbly assure you, it will be worthwhile. Please stay with it to the end. 

Call 10 or 20 bowling centers to get information about their birthday parties. I almost guarantee that you will get one of three answers. 

1.  Uh, can you call back later and speak to the manager/owner/supervisor)?  
2. Hold on, let me get someone who can answer that (wait 5 minutes, come back to the phone). Guess what? Customer is gone!  
3. Sure we have three parties and let me tell you about them?  Read from brochure on the desk, never stopping to ask a question).  Customer asks questions, maybe a sale is closed.  Maybe.

Obviously, none of these approaches work really well with the first two being death. The third, a feeble attempt at offering information is just barely scratching the service.

So I thought I would give you a sure fire way to almost guarantee that your birthday party sales get stronger and your close ratio higher.

But first, a little philosophy. 

Realize that people are calling you about your most precious asset: their child.  And they want to feel that you or your staff is really interested in their child as a person and them as a parent. So your attitude on the phone is a dead giveaway as to whether or not they want to entrust you with their MVA (Most Valuable Asset).

RULE #1: SHOW SINCERE INTEREST IN THEIR BIRTHDAY PARTY INQUIRY.

And you do that by asking questions and asking questions until you can provide Mom or dad with information that meets THEIR needs

MOM: Hello. Can you tell me some information about your birthday parties

You: I sure can. May I get your name? And what is your child’s name and how old will he or she be?

MOM: Amanda Jones and his name is Johnny and he will be 8

You: Well, Mrs. Jones here’s wishing a happy 8^TH birthday to Johnny from all of us here at Happy Bowl. Do you have a date and time in mind for his party?

MOM: Yes March 15^{th .}  Oh, probably around 3pm

You: Great we have that time available and I am sure Johnny will have a fabulous time here. Now about how many children do you plan to invite

MOM: about 10 or so. 

You: Great:  I am sure you will be so happy having his party here, we do lots and lots of them and all are special to us.  Now Mrs. Jones, do you have a planned budget in mind since we do have several options to choose from and I wanted to make sure that we meet your requirements.

Rule #2: GIVE THE PROSPECT WHAT SHE WANTS NOT WHAT YOU WANT

MOM. Oh probably around $150.

You:  Great. I think I have just what you are looking for. Our “Striker” party includes (blah blah blah) and will be $14.95 per child so for 10 children you are right at your budget. May I reserve that spot for you

RULE #3. ALWAYS BE CLOSING?

Mom:  Well, let me think about it and call you back?

RULE#4:  OVERCOMING OBSTACLES

You:  I completely understand that. I would want to do the same thing if it was my child.  Other Moms have said the same thing.  Is there any one thing I can clarify?

RULE #5:  FIND OUT THE OBSTACLE(S)

MOM:  Well, uh, uh, do you have anything cheaper?

You: We certainly can accommodate that. We have our Spare package. It’s only $11.95 per child but doesn’t include (blah blah blah) 

RULE #6 (SEE RULE #3)

You:  I can reserve that day and time for you right now, OK? Would you like me to reserve that for you?

MOM:  Yes, yes, that’ sounds better.

You: OK you are all set and I just know that Johnny will have the time of his life and you won’t have to worry about your house getting messed up. We’ll do all the work and your son will have all the fun.  May I have your credit card # so we can hold a $XXX deposit for that space?

At that point you also want to get the customer’s email so you can send a confirmation and a happy birthday card to Johnny about 3 to 4 days before his birthday.

The whole point is not to necessarily have a script, but to have an attitude of gratitude that someone wants to entrust you with their MVA and you take that responsibility seriously enough to do everything you can to find out what Mom wants.

And then give it to her...with some love!

Tell Me a Story

If you open up or view lots of Facebook pages from businesses, you kind of get a feeling that far too many businesses are using Facebook as a substitute for a direct mail promotion. And that is just one big turnoff to your “Facebook friends and fans.”

It’s an easy trap to fall into. 

People have agreed to “like” you or join your “tribe”, as it is popular to say.  But just because a person has agreed to be your fan or friend, doesn’t mean you should only converse with her about what you are selling.  Would you entire conversation with your friends only focus on what you want your friend to buy from you?   I don’t think you would have a best friend very long.

Isn’t that the trap of Facebook?  

We just sell, sell, sell and our “friends” who eventually say, “Oh that is so boring, I am outta here” and out goes a prospect.

Instead, tell a story about your center. Tell a story about something funny that happened at the center. Tell a story about an employee. Give your center a PERSONALITY.  Become more than a mortar and brick facility that gives good service.  Big deal.  Everyone says it.  Very few prove it.

Remember when your folks would tell you stories and how you remember them to this day.  It’s because they told you a story. It became a memorable impression. Imagine if you can tell a story on your Facebook page in words and pictures/videos on a consistent basis without selling so hard, but much more subtly. 

Example “tell a birthday story of how Mom’s birthday cake fell while getting out of her car and how one employee ran to the store to get a birthday cake that Mom forgot. And oh yes, we would do the same for you”.

Please, it's called social media for a reason.

A Little Generosity Goes A Long Way

 We're all in business to sell something, but sometimes one of the best ways to do that is to give it away. For some owners, that tactic's anathema -- "I'm in business to sell, not to give" -- but their attitude is pretty short-sighted.

A little "gratis action" now can come back to you later, often in a big way.

Especially for small businesses, our own products or services (or a sample or variation) are usually the easiest things we can give away. Our cost is a fraction of the value, and this leverage can buy marketing, PR, goodwill, and more, for perhaps pennies on the dollar, without having to write painful checks.

It's a simple concept, but it surprises me how many small-business owners either don't pick up on its value or reject it, preferring just to sell and get paid. There's nothing wrong with that, but here are some examples of how taking a longer view of the benefits of building some "write-offs" into your marketing plans and budgets can pay dividends:

Thank-you's: Gifts of genuine appreciation always hit home. Maybe you have a customer who's been a regular for years... isn't it about time you sent him a freebie to recognize (and cement) his loyalty? And it's not only about customers -- perhaps you have an incredible supplier or employee who really came through in a pinch. A happily given gift accompanying a heartfelt thank-you goes a long way, will be remembered, and is likely to come back around... good karma, if you will. Be a sport.

Make-goods: Even the best of us screw up once in a while -- orders get mishandled, paperwork is botched, customers get upset for one reason or another. The priority, of course, is to apologize and fix the problem immediately. But once that's done, a tangible gesture can go a long way towards locking in good will and loyalty. It goes something like this:

"I am so sorry, that's definitely an error on our part, I'll have it fixed by the end of the day. And please let me send you  a free admission to Cosmic Bowl this weekend as a small way to make up for your time and trouble."

Prizes: People love to win stuff, and contests are a great way to engage customers and prospects; build web or physical traffic; grow a data base; and -- especially nowadays -- expand your social networking reach. Giving away some nice "merch" or services regularly is one of the fastest ways to see your fan base grow. Some people think that "contest junkies" don't constitute real prospects, but with the very low cost of giving some of your games away  and of promoting contests, you only have to convert a tiny percentage of that growing base to make it worthwhile.

Just because: Everyone likes a (good) surprise, and "random acts of kindness" are a great way to put a smile on someones face and put your company at the top of her mind. Perhaps today you message 10 random Facebook fans and tell them you're sending them something because it's Monday. If you're a distributor, maybe you throw an extra goody into shipment boxes for a few days (great use for excess inventory). Using the cost-effective leverage of your products or time to make people happy builds a personal bond and virtually ensures repeat business.

 Certainly much of this is best suited to consumer products, and not every example above applies to every type of business. But even a B2B company or service business usually has something it can offer -- it just might take a little creativity ("we appreciate your trusting us with your holiday bowling party this year; we'd like to do your spring party just to say thanks.") 

Chances are your products and services can serve your business beyond their own individual, intrinsic sales value. As with most things, a little generosity goes a long way.

Tow Away Zones and Employee Productivity

One of the reasons I moved out of NYC was the increasing stress of dealing with a million potholes, ungodly traffic, second avenue subway construction and car towing.  It is not unusual to have three or four "parking regulation"signs on one pole offering completely different messages.

For example a sign could say “No Standing Between 8am And 6pm” and on top of that sign, another sign might read “Pay at Muni meter between 8am and 8pm”, and yet another sign that says, “trucks and buses only permitted after 9am to 10pm".

Now which sign do you want to believe?  

Pick the wrong one and you car gets towed; you get charged a $185 towing fee and $115 summons; all because you believed the wrong sign.

Today I believed the wrong sign and paid the price.

Suppose you’re one of those managers that give a lot of signs, which one does your employee believe; which one is the priority and which one is she penalized for not obeying?

How clear are your signs on what you really want your employee(s) to achieve?

Because if they are not or, worse, are conflicting signs, your employee is left to choose one and if it is the wrong sign, you lose productivity and then you lose credibility.

Moral of the story: Don’t sugar coat what you mean. Say exactly what you expect from the employee and then have him/her repeat it back to you.

Otherwise, you might incorrectly tow that employee away :(

Follow Up on Super Bowl Advertising

Here's our first sign up for a Super Bowl advertising campaign


"Count me in for my share of total lane beds.  BPAA / USBC  (or USBC Membership - cost is less than $3 per member)  should tally total number of member / divided into $3.1 million  What is the cost per lane bed?  $25-30 bucks per lane bed??   BOOM! Put together an awesome 30 second spot, showing every age group interacting and enjoying the interaction.  BOOM!."  We must not continue to be invisible and irrelevant to the masses...

Tom Hebbe

Blue River Bowl

Shelbyville, Indiana

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I also received comments from Jamie Brooks and Rob McNaughton expressing interest, but also concern about how to raise money, especially among those proprietors who are not members. "It's a hard road, you are going down, Fred", they both said; although not in so many words.

Well if I got out of the South Bronx tenement I was born in, any road after that doesn't look so hard.  But that's me.

What do you think?

Super Bowl or Super Bowling?

This past Sunday, the NY Giants won the Superbowl.  For many of us, it was a happy time and for others not so much. Still others just didn't care.

No matter what side of the game you came out on, and if you watched it, you were among 111.7 million viewers who, in an average quarter hour, watched the Superbowl (that's how Nielsen measures "eyeballs").  At its peak, between 930pm and 945pm, viewership spiked to 117 million people.

For an advertiser, who paid $3.5 million dollars for one 30 second spot; that advertiser got a lot of bang for his buck.  In ad terms, his cost per thousand viewers was about $31.81 per thousand or .0318 cents (3.18 cents) per set of eyeballs. Direct mail is more expensive.  In many instances, Google ad words are more expensive.  Facebook ads are more expensive and even radio and local cable TV can be more expensive.

So why isn't bowling advertising on the Superbowl?  Not only would we get the exposure, but think about all the PR and all those package goods companies that would see bowling as promotional partners, sponsors and as venues for their next commercial(s).

Supposedly, we are a $4 BILLION dollar industry at retail; lets even cut that to $3.5 BILLION.  If we spent $3.5 million that's about ONE TENTH OF ONE PERCENT OF TOTAL INCOME at retail.

Can you imagine 111 million Americans being told to go bowling after the game? OK, OK, before you tell me why it can't be done... just sit back and think about it.
THEN TELL ME HOW WE CAN DO IT!